Little Abner and the conehead

She arrived at 7:39 pm on January 27, 2001.  A reddish, cone-head.  Wayne hesitantly asked the doctor, her head will be normal, right?  He laughed, I'm sure he had heard that one before. 

I laid in the bed, viewing it all like I was living as someone else. 

The nurse placed a swaddled bundle in my arms and I peered down into her tiny, dark, squinted eyes.  She was perfect.  A little bow of a mouth, delicate fingers and toes, head full of brown hair.  I had trouble registering the thoughts that were flying through my mind. 

I was utterly overwhelmed and unaware.

Terrified. 

What wisdom did I have to impart to this little miracle of a child laying in my arms?  She had no idea what she was in for.

The first two weeks were so difficult.  Suddenly I found myself at the beck and call of a tyrant who demanded food, cleanliness, cuddles, and rocking.  Living for myself had never been this difficult, it was a back and forth battle for self.  I struggled with nursing her, soothing her and holding myself together while others would swoon over her tiny form.  I felt completely inept. 

Soon my bumbling, inexperienced hands turned into those of a "pro".  Well, a pro when it came to my child.  She made me feel like I could do it all and the weeks of tears and actually caring about sleep gave way to a love affair I hadn't anticipated.  I was learning the fine art of mothering.

An art that will never be perfected. 

I love all of my children with the same amount of fear, hope, grace and faith.  But there is something different about loving a girl. 

I'm not ashamed to admit it. 

Sometimes I see myself reflected in her eyes.  Mannerisms that I've called my own have now become ones we share.  Her ear for music and ability to read a book in one sitting.  Her desire to bake, to cook, to learn.

We butt heads.  She is embarrassed by me and I smile to myself as I think about my own mother.  I do remember being "embarrassed" by her, but truthfully, I delighted in her presence.  I'm hoping this is the same for Abby.

I love her more today than I imagined I would in those first weeks of her life.  The two of us have done a lot of growing up together.

Happy Birthday, to you Little Abner.  :)