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Showing posts from May, 2013

in motherhood

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  I struggle to know what the right choice is when it comes to you.  Do I walk close to keep you in my constant care or do I let you step ahead a little and watch as you walk farther and farther away?  The moment you were born was a letting go.  You breathed your first and I held you close, suddenly so aware of my own inadequacy.  Your sweet newborn smell would quickly fade to the scent of fresh air, good clean dirt, and independence.  I'm caught in the middle of this.  You imply "Stay close enough so I can still hear you singing, but walk back there so I feel like I'm doing this on my own".  Motherhood is a funny thing.  I have nothing to gauge how I'm doing.  You have good days and bad just like me.  Someone could judge one way or another at any given time.  I judge myself.  Most harshly, I am sure. Sometimes I am too caught up in myself to really look at you.  Insecurity nips at my heels.  I wonder if what I'm doing matters at all.  Am I just ma