One without the other

I remember not too long ago how overwhelmed I was with two children. Then we had 3 more. Five. Sometimes I just can't believe we have that many. It seems like a dream.

As we added more children to our family, I slowly began to realise that I was getting lost in the shuffle. I think mothers find it easy to lose themselves when they are in the midst of raising kids. You put their needs ahead of yours. Your time isn't even your own. You can't even go to the bathroom without little knocks (or in my case a head banger) at the door.

I am a mother.

Sometimes invisible.

A homemaker.

A dependant.

Someone who hides her true self behind the sweet face of a beautiful child.

A woman who occasionally leaves the house without having given a second thought to her hairstyle (regrettably). Or wardrobe.

Who finds herself swaying back and forth while waiting in line, simply because standing usually means a baby is in her arms.

Who says things she never thought she would utter - "No, we don't lick our sneakers!" (quote taken from Sheila Palmer).

Someone who finds her very heart is living, breathing and walking around. Making messes, laughing, and giving hugs freely. Looking very much like a delightful mixture of all that's wonderful about she and her husband.

It is very easy to forget who you were when your children come along. But the truth is, we can't really separate one from the other. I'm different now. There isn't any denying that fact. So I am learning that I've actually discovered more about who I am because of motherhood than I would have if I had never gone down this road. It's not about losing who I am but about looking at who I've become. While I am about the business of raising my children, they are actually the ones growing ME up.

Who knew?