Day 35 Being Held

-
Yesterday I learned something I hadn't pieced together before about how God works.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I was alone with the children and had to figure out how to get Elias to outpatients. He had a seizure. I called Kelly for clarity, to calm me down and talk to me. Once I had figured out how I was going to go with all of the kids, I headed for the hospital.

I was afraid, tired, sick, and alone. I sat closer to the driver's side window so Abby couldn't see me crying in the rear view mirror. I called out to Jesus, asking Him for peace and assurance. A song* I particularly love came on just then and I immediately was filled with calm. Be assured, I still was uncertain, a little afraid, and I was still crying, but I also had this profound sense of peace in the midst of it. Such a strange mix of emotions. It occurred to me then this is what it means to be held. God was holding me, so even though I was still feeling those other emotions, I could sense Him with me. Speaking peace to me. Assuring me that even though there was so much uncertainty I could be certain of one thing- He was holding me.

I love these things I'm being taught. Although the lessons are hard, I want to be awake to learn them. I want to be aware of Him in me, speaking to me, guiding me, loving me.

*

Comments

  1. WendyApril 21, 2011 at 9:46 AM

    I am so glad you felt you were not alone, as well as knew you were not alone. We are praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. ADMApril 21, 2011 at 9:56 AM

    Thank you, Wendy. I know you are. Your husband was so kind to rush Wayne home like that....and to spend the night cuddling a pop machine in the Kentville hospital with Wayne. We appreciate it so much!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sheila PalmerApril 21, 2011 at 1:32 PM

    Praying for you Angie - so glad you were able to feel the comfort of our Father's presence in the midst of it all! What a gift! Continuing to keep you & your family lifted up in prayer - Sending much Love xo

    ReplyDelete
  4. The Sutherland'sApril 21, 2011 at 3:19 PM

    What a beautiful video and song. Isn't it amazing that we can feel such comfort in times of trouble. What an amazing, loving father! Praying for Eli and some answers on Tuesday.

    ReplyDelete
  5. ADMApril 21, 2011 at 4:03 PM

    Thanks everyone!

    ReplyDelete
  6. AmandaApril 21, 2011 at 9:36 PM

    Isn't it great that your in-laws were able to watch the other kids while you went with Eli to the hospital. Hope everyone there is on the mend.

    ReplyDelete
  7. ADMApril 21, 2011 at 10:03 PM

    Yes, it's great they were able to do that, goes without saying!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

April 18, 1984

-
Image
I awake in a bit of a fog, only slightly aware of the telephone ringing.  We got in late last night.  Long past our bedtime.  I can hear my father in the kitchen, his muffled conversation floating upstairs to my room.  It's just before 8.  We've slept in.  I'll have to rush to get ready for school this morning.  My father slowly climbs the stairs and I turn to see him enter my bedroom.  He is tired and carries a strange expression on his face.  He reaches my bedside and takes a seat.  He isn't looking at me, but out my bedroom window to the hillside and winding road.  When he faces me again tears have formed in his eyes.  He covers my hand with his and tells me my mother is gone.  His words get lost in a sudden release of grief.  I turn my head into my pillow, tears flowing.  I'm not completely certain of what he's said, I'm hoping I've misunderstood, but know I have not.  He sits for awhile on my bed and we both silently weep.  Without a word h
Read more

Twenty Seven Years

-
Image
My first birthday Normally I see this day coming and anticipate it. Today it caught me by surprise. I love this picture of her, although I can't remember her this way. When I remember her last she looked so very different. I have a picture that was taken a few months before she passed away, but I like this one better. Funny, this picture was taken roughly 10 years before she died. I think I need to come back and post this later, it's still early in the day and I need to make it through before I land in a heap thinking about her..... I'm so thankful for my Mom. For the memories I have of her. I think my favourite memory is from when I was 7, 8 or 9, I'm not really sure. Jamie and I had returned to New Glasgow for a weekend to visit friends we had left behind when we moved. I don't know that I was ever away from her. I do remember vividly Saturday night, I was so lonesome for her. There was a snow storm raging outside and I was sure I would never get back home. Thing
Read more

Two kinds of good bye

-
Image
We are saying good-bye. Packing up our little family. Putting familiar things into cardboard boxes. Sealing them shut with nasty packing tape. Dreading the thought of tearing through that plastic frustration to get our stuff out again. Our life is a bit upside down. The house looks like it's been ransacked by a clumsy burglar who was uncertain of what he should take and what he should leave. Odd combinations of things sit in a pile waiting to be put in a proper place. Normal household chores have been put on hold while we wade through the disjointed contents of our homey house. This saying good bye is somewhat easy in the grand scheme of things. We have control over our going. We get to choose where we'll live, what schools our children will attend, what side of town we'll live on. We can even decide what furniture gets to come with us and what item will be written up in a hastily posted ad on kijiji. We get to leave as a family. Our physical home displaced, if only
Read more