traces of her

-
1977

Not all that long ago I stood at my mother's dresser shuffling through the things she left behind.  Searching for remnants of her in the small bottles of perfume, half used containers of cream, and her favourite brown leather gloves.  All things that were once so ordinary now held much wonder and charm.  I would wander into my parent's bedroom when no one else was around and look through her clothes.  Leaning in to her closet, desperate for any hint of her familiar scent, still able to hear her voice when I closed my eyes.  I spent many hours in there, sitting on her bed, looking in the mirror, crying myself weary. 

Even now there seems to be just a small amount of myself left back there in that eleven year old girl.  I knew then, as I do now, that God was near.  That He would not walk away from me even when the time came that I'd try to walk away from Him.  Through the trials of my teen years to the joys that now unfold through my married life and motherhood, He stands with me.  Leading.  Waiting.  Holding.  Loving.  Present.  A witness to every loss, triumph, setback, and celebration. 

I never did find many traces of her in the small bottles of perfume or clothes...it's only now as an adult that I find them.  She gave me an incredible gift- a deep and renewing faith.  One that is born out of true Love and abiding hope.  How it came that I was to grow up so quickly may never be answered and I don't need to know.  I'm holding on to the Truth that no part of my life has been wasted.  Nothing squandered.  Even the things I am most hesitant to share.  God is weaving a marvelous story through this motherless girl.  He who has set eternity into my heart dwells in the ups and downs of my experience.  My redemption and renewal a proclamation of His goodness and how only He can work through the tangled mess of my life.

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting,
God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along.
If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter.
He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs,
our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves,
knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God.
That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God
is worked into something good.
Romans 8:26-28 The Message

Comments

  1. (the) Real JoyFebruary 25, 2014 at 3:56 PM

    Bless you, Angie - your faith and authenticity are so beautiful. Thank you for sharing your heart. Your fearless transparency is so inspiring - you lead me to love and trust Him more :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

April 18, 1984

-
Image
I awake in a bit of a fog, only slightly aware of the telephone ringing.  We got in late last night.  Long past our bedtime.  I can hear my father in the kitchen, his muffled conversation floating upstairs to my room.  It's just before 8.  We've slept in.  I'll have to rush to get ready for school this morning.  My father slowly climbs the stairs and I turn to see him enter my bedroom.  He is tired and carries a strange expression on his face.  He reaches my bedside and takes a seat.  He isn't looking at me, but out my bedroom window to the hillside and winding road.  When he faces me again tears have formed in his eyes.  He covers my hand with his and tells me my mother is gone.  His words get lost in a sudden release of grief.  I turn my head into my pillow, tears flowing.  I'm not completely certain of what he's said, I'm hoping I've misunderstood, but know...
Read more

Twenty Seven Years

-
Image
My first birthday Normally I see this day coming and anticipate it. Today it caught me by surprise. I love this picture of her, although I can't remember her this way. When I remember her last she looked so very different. I have a picture that was taken a few months before she passed away, but I like this one better. Funny, this picture was taken roughly 10 years before she died. I think I need to come back and post this later, it's still early in the day and I need to make it through before I land in a heap thinking about her..... I'm so thankful for my Mom. For the memories I have of her. I think my favourite memory is from when I was 7, 8 or 9, I'm not really sure. Jamie and I had returned to New Glasgow for a weekend to visit friends we had left behind when we moved. I don't know that I was ever away from her. I do remember vividly Saturday night, I was so lonesome for her. There was a snow storm raging outside and I was sure I would never get back home. Thing...
Read more

The long way around

-
Image
A little over 2 months ago I blogged about Elias. I told you about our trip to the IWK and how we discovered that what we were dealing with was not "scary". Fast forward to the end of that month and I'll fill you in on what's been happening since.... After his developmental assessment he was scheduled to meet with an occupational therapist because of some fine motor concerns. We met with her twice. On the last appointment she suggested he go see a physical therapist. She thought they would be able to give him some exercises to help him have more "control" over his wobbly legs and arms. We had that appointment at the end of June. I don't think we had been sitting in her exam room more than 20 minutes when she said these words- "I think I know what the problem is". Really? Had I heard her correctly?? She then went on to explain that Elias is hyper-flexible, which would explain why every doctor we've been to has said he has "low t...
Read more