traces of her

1977

Not all that long ago I stood at my mother's dresser shuffling through the things she left behind.  Searching for remnants of her in the small bottles of perfume, half used containers of cream, and her favourite brown leather gloves.  All things that were once so ordinary now held much wonder and charm.  I would wander into my parent's bedroom when no one else was around and look through her clothes.  Leaning in to her closet, desperate for any hint of her familiar scent, still able to hear her voice when I closed my eyes.  I spent many hours in there, sitting on her bed, looking in the mirror, crying myself weary. 

Even now there seems to be just a small amount of myself left back there in that eleven year old girl.  I knew then, as I do now, that God was near.  That He would not walk away from me even when the time came that I'd try to walk away from Him.  Through the trials of my teen years to the joys that now unfold through my married life and motherhood, He stands with me.  Leading.  Waiting.  Holding.  Loving.  Present.  A witness to every loss, triumph, setback, and celebration. 

I never did find many traces of her in the small bottles of perfume or clothes...it's only now as an adult that I find them.  She gave me an incredible gift- a deep and renewing faith.  One that is born out of true Love and abiding hope.  How it came that I was to grow up so quickly may never be answered and I don't need to know.  I'm holding on to the Truth that no part of my life has been wasted.  Nothing squandered.  Even the things I am most hesitant to share.  God is weaving a marvelous story through this motherless girl.  He who has set eternity into my heart dwells in the ups and downs of my experience.  My redemption and renewal a proclamation of His goodness and how only He can work through the tangled mess of my life.

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting,
God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along.
If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter.
He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs,
our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves,
knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God.
That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God
is worked into something good.
Romans 8:26-28 The Message

Comments

  1. Bless you, Angie - your faith and authenticity are so beautiful. Thank you for sharing your heart. Your fearless transparency is so inspiring - you lead me to love and trust Him more :)

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