In A Field

  My silence has invaded more than just the blank posts that I've tried to compose.  I've been sitting in a quiet rebellion, keeping my thoughts to myself.  Hesitant to speak them into being, afraid I'd not be able to stop the flow of words.  Frustration, disappointment, confusion, uncertainty.  It was somehow easier to just remain silent.  But the silence hasn't been enough.  It never is.  I could feel my white flag being raised over the last few weeks.  A slow unfurling.  Like a realization.  My fight was only hurting one.  Me.   I have had a hard time breaking into my inner sanctum, that quiet place that is mine and mine alone.  I had wandered from there, not being intentional to come aside and stop.  To stop and take time with the One who had inspired this place to begin with.  Truthfully, I've been...

Things feel crumpled.  Like blankets at the foot of an unmade bed.  I hide behind silence or fluffy conversation.  The light in the bedroom is dim, the sounds outside muffled through locked windows.  Feeling strange.  Like a stranger.  Unknown and known all at once.  I talk in riddles because I am an inside joke.  My words hide a thousand feelings that no one can navigate.  I'm thinking of all those times I wasn't sure how I was going to get through. You know, when everything seems to hinge on one decision or event and you're not really certain which way it will tip. Crying out, I give words to what's hidden in the darkest part of my soul. Those are the nights when I grew the most.  In the not knowing. When I got to the end of my finite self and His peace came floating in over me. Covering all of my bruises with a hush. I wave the white flag, surrendering to the bliss of being held.  ...

They fly through the door at the end of the day, full of stories of new friends, faces and experiences.  Anxious to get it all out, they talk above and around one another in a blur of words. For these days I am thankful.  I've spent the last couple of months answering questions. Reassuring little hearts. Trying to create home in the midst of this change.  Living in our temporarily smaller house, mattresses on floors, clothes in strange places, piled high in some cases.  Where do I put all of these towels?  How come you have so many pairs of jeans?  The odd thing is that it feels more like home in this cramped condition than it did when we fit better in this place.   And that's when it hit me. This place has nothing to do with home.  This physical address is a place to store our winter clothes, toys, books, appliances, too many shoes, furniture.  Everything.  A sto...

I've never been much of a risk taker.  I colour inside the lines.  Wear sensible shoes.  Venture carefully through green lights.  I'm wary of best before dates.  A rule keeper. But when it comes to love, well, that's a completely different matter.  This only occurred to me recently as I was driving away from a familiar place.  I was crying because my heart was broken.  That's really what it came down to.  I took a risk.  I opened my heart to Him and His people and they walked in and made themselves at home.   Loving is so many things, both good and bad.  Hellos and good-byes, waiting and watching, stopping and starting, hurt and hope, pain and joy.  All mingled together in a messy jumble of tremendous emotions.  But, do you know what really occurred to me?  Thankfulness.  Thankful that I have the capacity to love...

We are saying good-bye. Packing up our little family. Putting familiar things into cardboard boxes. Sealing them shut with nasty packing tape. Dreading the thought of tearing through that plastic frustration to get our stuff out again. Our life is a bit upside down. The house looks like it's been ransacked by a clumsy burglar who was uncertain of what he should take and what he should leave. Odd combinations of things sit in a pile waiting to be put in a proper place. Normal household chores have been put on hold while we wade through the disjointed contents of our homey house. This saying good bye is somewhat easy in the grand scheme of things. We have control over our going. We get to choose where we'll live, what schools our children will attend, what side of town we'll live on. We can even decide what furniture gets to come with us and what item will be written up in a hastily posted ad on kijiji. We get to leave as a family. Our physical home displaced, if only ...

Twelve years ago we piled our belongings into our two door Ford Escort and a cube truck.  The two of us, with the promise of a third in 9 months.  We didn't know then what we were coming to, how we'd grow and change in our new home.  We were excited to move closer to family, to familiar territory, to new faces and new ministry.  I remember plainly how at home we felt the moment we set foot into our church.  From the first interview we knew we had "come home".  They welcomed us as though we had always been a part of their family.  We quickly settled in.  Warmed by this wonderful group of folks who were as excited for us to be here as we were to be with them.  I remember one of them commenting during a gathering that first summer we moved here- "It's like you've always been here".  A compliment.  An encouraging word for a young new pastor and his wife.  We were tickled. B...

I awake in a bit of a fog, only slightly aware of the telephone ringing.  We got in late last night.  Long past our bedtime.  I can hear my father in the kitchen, his muffled conversation floating upstairs to my room.  It's just before 8.  We've slept in.  I'll have to rush to get ready for school this morning.  My father slowly climbs the stairs and I turn to see him enter my bedroom.  He is tired and carries a strange expression on his face.  He reaches my bedside and takes a seat.  He isn't looking at me, but out my bedroom window to the hillside and winding road.  When he faces me again tears have formed in his eyes.  He covers my hand with his and tells me my mother is gone.  His words get lost in a sudden release of grief.  I turn my head into my pillow, tears flowing.  I'm not completely certain of what he's said, I'm hoping I've misunderstood, but know...

Pen on the page.  Spelling out details of a life in words.  Pain, endurance, joy and faith mingled together to form life from clay.  I am alive when I write.  You have compelled me to express that which I cannot contain.  Words spring to life.  Lining up in verse and prose.  Molding into something indentifiable and good. My hand cannot keep up to the thoughts popping into my mind.  I scurry to write, afraid I will be too late in getting them pinpointed in black and white. I've written a thousand novels and works of literature.  Tales of secrets I'd rather not share.  Broken promises and regrets.  I tend not to linger here, afraid to give too much time to those things I have let fall behind.  But I know it's only because of these things that I can truly see the value of the Good, the Blessing and the Hope. ~*~ As long as I can remember I have journalled.  When I was in grade 7 I kept a detailed one of ...

to be known and knowing. vulnerable, and afraid. i am my story and so much more. a sudden need to be heard, to be loved. to be accepted. unmasked.  

So don't you see that we don't owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent. There's nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life . God's Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go! Romans 8:12-14 The Message I Am... God’s beloved child (Jn 1:12:   Eph 1:5) Christ’s dear friend (Jn 15:15) Declared righteous, holy and blameless (Rom. 5:1; Eph 1:4) Free from condemnation (Rom 8:1; Col 2:14-16) United with Christ, “one spirit” with Christ   (I Cor 6:17; Eph 5:31) A member of Christ’s body (I Cor 6:15/ 12:27) The Temple of God (I Cor 6:19)1 Filled with the “fullness of God” (Eph 3:19) Blessed with every spiritual blessing (Eph 1:3) Bought with an infinite price and forgiven (I Cor 6: 20; Eph 1:7; Col 1:14) Bathed with wisdom and understanding (Eph 1:8) The recipient of an eternal, infinitely rich, inheritance (Eph 1:11, 1...

I am... Indwelled by a fearless Spirit. For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7

I am... Hid in Christ in heavenly realms.  Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God's right hand.  Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth.  For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.  And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory.  Colossians 3:1-4

I am... A co-worker with God. For we are both God's workers. And you are God's field. You are God's building. 1 Corinthians 3:9

The thoughts run through my mind, faster than I can catch them.      Torn,                                                                   broken,                                    wilted,                                                ...

I am... One who knows Satan is a disarmed laughing stock. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross.  In this way, he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross. Colossians 2:14-15

I am... A citizen of heaven. But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior. Philippians 3:20

I am... Made perfect forever. For by that one offering her forever made perfect those who are being made holy. Hebrews 10:14 I am... Made complete in Christ. So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority. Colossians 2:10

I am... Seated with Christ in heavenly realms. For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. Ephesians 2:6

Christ's joy is fulfilled. I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy.  Yes, your joy will overflow! John 15:11

I am... A recipient of God's own peace and joy. He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn't looking for him and doesn't recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you. John 14:17 I am leaving you with a gift- peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give.  So don't be troubled or afraid. John 14:27

I am... A member of Christ's body. All of you together are Christ's body, and each of you is a part of it. 1 Corinthians 12:27

I am... A branch chosen to bear fruit . You didn't choose me.  I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. John 15:16   I am... Predestined to look like Jesus and see him in his glory. For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. Romans 8:29 See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are! But the people who belong to this world don't recognize that we are God's children because they don't know him. Dear friends we are already God's children, but he has not yet shown us what we will be like when Christ appears. But we do know that we will be like him, for we will see him as he really is. And all who have this eager expectation will keep themselves pure, just as he ...

I am... The salt of the earth. You are the salt of the earth. Matthew 5:13

I am... One for whom Jesus gladly suffered. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who iniates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame.  Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God's throne.  Hebrews 12:2

I am... Crucified, buried and raised with Christ. Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of his wonderful grace?  Of course not!  Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it?  Or have you forgotten that when we were joined with Christ Jesus in baptism, we joined him in his death?  For we died and were buried with Christ by baptism.  And just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious power of the Father, now we also may live new lives.  Since we have been united with him in his death, we will also be raised to life as he was.  We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives.  We are no longer slaves to sin.  For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin.  And since we died with Christ, we know we will also live with him.  We are sure of this because Christ was raised from the d...

Twenty-Three I am... Blessed with every spiritual blessing. All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. Ephesians 1:3 . Twenty-Two I am... The recipient of an eternal, infinetly rich, inheritance. Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan. Ephesians 1:11 I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called- his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance. Ephesians 1:18

I am... The temple of God. Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God?  You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price.  So you must honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

I am... One in whom God is working to bring good out of evil. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28

I am... Bought with an infinite price and forgiven. For God bought you with a high price.  So you must honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6:20 He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. Ephesians 1:7 For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins.  Colossians 1:13-14

I am... Free from condemnation. So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.  Romans 8:1 He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross.  In this way, he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities.  He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross.  Colossians 2:14-15

I am... More than a conqueror in all things. But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. Romans 8:37 NASB

I am... One who can do all things in Christ. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

I am... One who knows the truth and is set free. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32

I am... Inseparable from God's love. Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love?  Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?  (As the Scriptures say, "For your sake we are killed ever day, we are being slaughtered like sheep.")  No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.  And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love.  Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love.  No power in the sky above or in the earth below- indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:35-39

I am... Bathed with wisdom and understanding. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding. Ephesians 1:8

I am... An ambassador of Christ and minister of reconciliation. This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person.  The old life is done; a new life has begun! And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ.  And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him.  For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people's sins against them.  And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation.  So we are Christ's ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us.  We speak for Christ when we plead, "Come back to God!". 2 Corinthians 5:17-20

We could have named him Coleman.  We were on vacation in Halifax, staying with my brother and his family.  Wayne and Jamie were out shopping for trailers, I stayed home with Kelly and the kids.  I knew I was pregnant, but I needed confirmation.  Proof in hand, I called Wayne, who quickly told me they had found the trailer we were looking for, a Coleman.  To which I replied.... "I'm pregnant".  Wayne said, "Well... it sleeps 6.".  And that's how it started.  6 instead of 5.  We had this completely under control, 3 kids already, what was one more? He arrived on a Monday evening,  after I spent a weekend away shopping.  3 weeks ahead of schedule.  Elias Alexander (my Dad) Keith (Wayne's Dad) Murphy.  I was a pro.  Or so I thought. Slowly we realized he came to rewrite our book on breastfeeding, sleeping, solids, doctors, parenting, and my mental health.  We f...